The Paradox of Life and Love

Two young people from Pangasinan

Met at the scenic  Hundred Islands  for frolic and fun.

Blue waters, summer breeze, and banca ride,

Drew them together then parted with pride.

Years went by with no communication,

No personal encounters or reunions,

But with rare phone calls to keep in touch

With career updates and nothing much.

Sixty two years later by God's design,

Two widowed souls met in Anaheim,

Still filled with grief and grieving for their lost spouses.

Renewed acquaintances  to  ease their  loneliness.

The power of dialogue drew them together

Enhanced by their  love for music and dancing

Amid life's uncertainties and their hearts unease,

God's love and wisdom brought peace and understanding.

Was it God's design for friendship and love to bloom?

To  start a new journey at the golden sunset of their lives?

Yes, and with  love and support from their children and friends.

God  will bless their lives each day to the fullest.

by Aurora Soriano Cudal

August 5, 2015

 

Dr. Aurora Soriano- Cudal and Judge Peter De Castro Rivera JR (Ret.) - -...

A Mother's Reflection on the 50th birthday of a son

A Mother's Reflection on the 50th birthday of a son. I consider the birthdays of my children significant, because it is the day I've given birth to them. It is the day I suffered the utmost pain and the unspeakable joy when they came out of the world crying our loud to announce to the whole world that they are healthy and well. One of the first questions a mother would ask the attending physician is: How is my baby? Are there no birth defects? I then praise God for giving me perfect babies. Only a mother knows the experience of birthing. Mary Ann had an advantage over everyone of my children. She was born without anesthesia. I felt every pain, was aware of every movement. I thought Dr. Maura Posadas the attending physician was heartless for letting me go through the painful process of birthing without a pain killer. But I realized later that it was euphoric. After the most painful part - the crowining - comes the most wonderful feeling one could never describe. Today is the 50th birthday of Arwin. Yesterday's surprise birthday arranged by Theresa and his children was indeed a hard act to follow. I knew that Arwin would be mad at me for disrupting his day by requesting that he picks me up for an appointment with a prospective client who would like to buy a 3-bedroom house. The scenario was very credible and the motivation is real. Arwin may have thought, "Perhaps, Mama needs the compensation. Why of all days would she schedule me to meet her friend." A perfect surprise needs a grand deception and I was a party to it. Good work, Theresa. The band was very good. The food was healthy. The ambiance was cozy and comfortable for family and friends. It was truly an American experience. Thank you for your creativity and for the fun and fellowship. 10 highlights of the life of Arwin, from a mother's perspective. : 1. He grew up with his Grandma Andrea. We were all around the table in our apartment in Quezon City (forgot the name of the street) - Mama, Daddy, Mary Ann, Gia, and Bobby when I asked each one, ":who would like to come with Grandma to San Carlos? He was the only one who raised his hand. (Mary Ann was six years old then and she already stayed with her Grandma for almost two years, but she was becoming a spoiled since she gets everything she wants from her Lola). 2. He got sick with pneumonia in San Carlos. The late Dr. Gudelia Padlanwas at his bedside. Arwin was breathing so heavily and the doctor told me, he has a 50/50 chance to live. I prayed as I never prayed before. Then the critical hour came, Arwin woke up and said, "Mama, danom." I gave him a glass of water. Dr. Padlan jumped with joy and said, "He is going to live!" It was answered prayer and the joy overwhelmed me with tears. 3. Daddy and I wanted Arwin to attend college in Manila. Daddy enrolled him in U.P. to take up Sports Management. After a month, he decided to join a fraternity without informing us. I came home early one afternoon and I saw him lying down fast asleep. I examined his legs and it was all black and blue. I cried and was so mad. 4. A girl - Colette entered his life. She is quite a dancer, being a member of a dance troupe with occasional TV appearances. Then I found a note written by Arwin to Colette, telling her of what he doesn't like with his mother, that devastated me but he made me feel so guilty for being a "bad" mother for giving away her son. But I kept 5. He leaves UP and he decided to go back to San Carlos to be with his Lola. (That was also the time when Carlo stayed with his Lola.) 6. One early morning Arwin arrived from San Carlos. I asked him, Why are you here? Is it already your semestral break? No, I just want to come for a visit. Later on there was a call for him to go back to San carlos. I found out later that he was being held responsible for a students' strike against VMEI for unfair practices. 7. Arwin gets married to Theresalynn Soriano. Lots of drama. Arwin was drunk after a party the night before. He was still groogy when he woke up to prepare for his wedding. 8. Arwin arrives at Investment St. to inform me that Theresa is leaving for the USA with the children. He is staying behind since he has a good job as population officer and as right hand man of Mayor Douglas Soriano. I put my foot down with a strong "NO". He should go to the USA with his family, to have a common experience. I've learned my lesson. He said, money is short. No, I said, God will provide. Indeed , God provided. 9. Arwin leaves the Philippines on September 10, 1991 (?) after celebrating his birthday. I asked him about their plans. They will stay with Teresa's relatives in Riverside. I worried about their child care needs. 10. Mama arrives in Chula Vista at Gia's home on October 20. I found the whole family cramped in one room. I was surprised to find that Arwin has already a job in Boradway. Theresa was already working as Dental Assistant. Daddy and I turned baby sitter for Jawee, Aura, and Arlynn for a few months until they found a home of their own - the rest is history. I think I'll start writing my Memoir before memories fade. I seem not to remember the dates and places. Mama

Making Christmas a gift for your grief

As I write this blog, I am thinking of my friends whose loved ones passed on to the Great Beyond just recently. I feel their pain as they try to cope with their grief especially at this time when others are busy preparing for the Holiday Season. As one writer aptly described, “ Christmas and grieving don’t fit together. Christmas as popular culture tells us, is supposed to be joyful, lively, cherry and warm, filled with family and friends. Grief, on the other hand, is a painful, difficult, and often lonely journey that can shake you to your core.”

I am reminded of the death of my own mother who passed away on the first week of December in 1994. I rushed home to the Philippines in a flight full of excited passengers who will be celebrating Christmas in their hometowns for the first time since they left for the United States. While I was seated all alone nursing my grief, those around me were humming Christmas carols. I’m coming home for the interment of my beloved mother while they are coming home to celebrate Christmas with their loved ones. Indeed, that was one of the loneliest moments in my life.

Looking back, I realized that when you have lost a loved one at this time of the year, longing for her or his presence becomes an inseparable part of your Christmas experience. During what used to be among the happiest time of the year, now becomes a bittersweet experience, and Christmas is never the same again. You feel a persistent ache in your heart.

The comforting and wonderful fact is that within Christmas itself lies a powerful way for you to move through your feelings of loss. Your memories of Christmases past can soothe your pain, make the spirit of your loved one present, and help you integrate your loss into your life. Use your Christmas memories to heal your grief.
How can one do these?

First, accept the memories as they come. “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it not against it.”

Second, share your memories with others and listen to theirs. Storytelling is a traditional part of Christmas and what better opportunity to share stories of your loved one than when you are gathered together in love and celebration? Remember the funny stories, too. Sharing laughter is important a part of healing as tears.

Third, Remember your loved one in your Christmas traditions. Recall gifts your loved one gave to different family members. Are there some with special meaning? Remember especially the intangible gifts your loved one gave you – caring, strength, kindness, encouragement, humor, love – and, most of all the gift that your loved one was.

Fourth, let the blessing of memories ease your grief. Through your memories, you can know once more the happiness of a past moment and experience the spirit of your loved one.

Fifth, Find consolation and wisdom in the meaning of Christmas. Christmas celebrates the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, offering the promise of a new life of peace, love and hope.

Place yourself within the warmth and light of Christmas, open your heart to its magic and mystery, and treasure the memories of your loved one. Be comforted by the Christmas message of life and grace, and know that your loved one’s spirit endures. Let Christmas be a gift for your grief. Let Jesus reign in your heart. (Excerpts from CareNotes).

My seven bundles of joy

I have seven children, four boys and three girls. They were all raised and educated in the Philippines. They are our bundles of joy as well as bundles of challenges especially when they were all growing up! I was so prolific and my mother thought that I was made for motherhood. I was pregnant almost every other year and yet I pursued a highly successful career as public health educator in the Philippines. I was able to blend my responsibilities as a mother, as a career woman and as a church woman. Praise God for all the things He has done in our lives.
Looking back, we have very simple rules at home. Our family values revolved around love of God, love for family, respect for elders, commitment to education and love for friends and neighbors. We knew then as parents, that we can not raise our children alone. So every Sunday, we all wear our Sunday best to attend church. It was a ritual until the children started to have their own group in church or in school.
How we survived those child-rearing days was God’s gift to us. All our children pursued their respective careers and they were able to come to the United States practically through their own efforts. We’ve taught them early in life to become independent and to make their own decisions.
One of our children, BenHur, a dental surgeon and military man with the rank of Lieutenant Colonel and chief of the professional Training branch of the Dental Services of the Armed Forces of the Philippines told me early in his military career, when I offered to fast track his promotion through our many friends , “Mama, I appreciate your help but I would like to carve my own career path.”.
Another son, Charles Gordon was appointed Senior Planning Officer of the Department of Health immediately upon his graduation from the Philippine Christian University . I have to tell my friends never to mention my name because he felt that “your name is difficult to carry. Everyone expected me to be as accomplished as you are. I can’t walk under your shadow.”
Arwin who grew up with his maternal grandmother has a passion of helping the underdog. In college he organized the student body to challenge unfair policies of the school towards foreign students. When he came to San Diego he decried the unfair labor practices of an agency that hired him. He wanted to be an outspoken advocate for Filipinos who couldn’t get their fair share in the workplace. I told him to slow down with his radical ideas and better concentrate in providing for the needs of his own family.
Another son, Bobby, who recently became a permanent resident has developed love for his work in caring for others. He has a broad experience in diplomacy and protocol having been a protocol officer of the Department of Foreign Affairs but he told me once, “I think I inherited the genes of my Grandma Andrea (a public health nurse), caring for the elderly has become second nature to me.”
All my daughters - Mary Ann, a patient advocate and psychology major, Gia and Sharon are registered nurses – all working in the health care system. All have families of their own and they often ask me, “Mama how were you able to raise us? I would answer. “Ask God, I don’t know!” But this I know, The Bible says, “Train your child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it.”

A graduation note to a beloved grand daughter

May, 2010
Dear Justine,

We took time to attend the graduation ceremonies of Otay Ranch High School held at the Southwestern College stadium, yesterday (June 2.) It was a warm day. Traffic was heavy. And older adults such as your Grandpa and myself are not used to the screaming of friends and loved ones in the audience every time the names of the graduates are called.
In the Philippines, graduation ceremonies are so solemn that witnessing one here, especially your graduation day, makes us feel less comfortable.
But we made our way in through the thick crowd after almost emptying our gas tank in search of a parking space. We wanted to be there to witness a very significant ceremony, not only for you but for us, your grandparents. To us, education, is the most important family value. One of the speakers, Arlie Ricasa, President of the Sweetwater Union High School Board of Trustees who also handed your diploma, shared an advice she got from her parents which was also our own parent’s advise to us and which we are handing to you: “People can steal your car. They can steal your jewelries. They can break in to your home and steal all your valuable belongings but they can never steal your education!”

We are in your graduation ceremonies because we are proud of your accomplishments. We are happy to see you receive your diploma – a significant symbol of your success in acquiring basic secondary education. But this is just the first step. There are more steps ahead of you as you pursue higher education towards a meaningful lifetime career. There will be more trials and challenges that you will encounter. We are confident that you would be able to surmount all these because of the love and care being showered by your parents, brother and sisters, the spiritual nurture embedded by both your maternal and paternal grandparents, and the influence of your many cousins, aunts and uncles and even friends who continue to surround you with deep affection.

Graduation is actually a commencement towards the pursuit of higher goals and more noble ideals. You have to be clear of what you are aiming for and focus your efforts in achieving them. There will be temptations around you but strength of character, wisdom and courage that springs from your heart and mind will carry you through.
We can share with you our wisdom and experience as your grandparents who have traveled more than a thousand miles in their journey through life.

We have traveled through plains and valleys, forests and mountains and have walked through unchartered paths and tortuous terrain . We are about to reach the end of our journey which started in the Philippines fifty five years ago. There is one truth we would like to share with you: It is God and God alone that carried us through. With God all things are possible.

Press on!
Your loving grandparents,
Winlove and Aurora

A letter to my grandson on his graduation from high school

April, 2009

Dear Joseph Winlove,

Almost seventeen years ago, I decided to come to the United States upon the invitation of your Mom who was then about to deliver her first-born baby. She wanted me to be at her bedside when she delivers you, a request that no mother can deny. So I filed a leave of absence from my job as Director of the Center of University Extension Service, Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila, hoping that I will be able to go back to the Philippines and resume my work after you were born.

Upon my arrival, I found many of your Mom’s friends gathered at the garage of your home. There was a surprise welcome party for me! Your Mom is fond of giving surprise parties, you know. She was so excited and tired that afternoon preparing the food and entertaining her guests. She was already full term but there she was trying her best to be a gracious host and to make me feel at home. She told me that my arrival was timely. Her baby will be due in a week’s time.

The morning after the party, I heard a commotion. Your Mom was rushed to the Sharp Memorial Hospital. You came earlier than expected. The Soriano and Cudal families were all excited to receive into this world a healthy, normal and handsome baby boy. Your Dad recorded the moment with his video camera. He was so excited. The birth of a baby boy to any Filipino family is most welcomed – they are bearers of the family’s name.

Your parents were not so creative in choosing your first names – Joseph Winlove – they just adopted the names of your two grandfathers, the Rev. Jose Soriano and Winlove Cudal. Parents often choose the names of their forebears for their children as a sign of love and respect, especially when the bearers of the name are honorable and worthy of emulation. It goes without saying that your Grandpa Jose and your Grandpa Winlove are very good and godly men. You should be proud that you bear their names.

Your grandparents took good care of you while your parents returned to the normal routine of earning a living, with a difference. They have now a reason to work harder. They have a son who will one day go to college. They have to prepare for his future. They would like him to get the best education that they can provide. Their hopes and dreams are to see their son succeed in life and college for them is the ultimate venue to build your dreams on and to prepare for life.

That time has come today as you step out of Otay Ranch High School with a diploma on hand. You will start a journey of a thousand miles to pursue a career. Your options are unlimited. But the final choice is yours. You should decide what you would like to be five years or ten years from now.

Life is a matter of choices. It is up for you to choose the right from the wrong, the good from the bad. Making choices is not easy. It takes discernment, wisdom, courage and prayer. Never underestimate the power of prayer. With God as your anchor, you will always be able to make wise decisions. You have to look into your core values which I believe you already have developed through your growing up years.

You are now on your own and you have chosen to pursue higher education in a different state – Utah. I don’t know why you have to go out of California but it was your decision and I respect that.

I love you enough to give up my prestigious job and to leave my homeland. You are the reason for my being here and I thank God that I had the opportunity to sing my sweetest lullabies for you every single night during your first eight months. Those were precious moments for me.

The future is bright for you. Go out there and pursue your dreams. We are here to cheer you on.

Happy graduation day!